Justin is sitting at the kitchen bench holding a tin, as Alex walks in and goes to the fridge.
ALEX
Oh no, please don't tell me that's a new robot you're building.
JUSTIN
Argh, no, it's a pencil holder I made dad for his birthday. (grabs robot from bench) This is the new robot I'm building.
ALEX
Pencil holder? It looks like an old soup can.
JUSTIN
Because it was an old soup can. But now it's a heartfelt gift that I made for dad by removing the label and writing a clever slogan on the side. (hands it to Alex)
ALEX
(reading the slogan) Number one dad, number two pencil ? (Justin laughs; pause) Are you kidding me.
JUSTIN
Well I also charmed it to magically sharpen pencils.
He holds a pencil down the tin and a magical light shines up as a sharpening sound is heard. He pulls up the pencil and blows away the smoke, as he shows it to Alex.
ALEX
(sarcastic) Yes, because it's so hard to do this. (demonstrates the sharpening of a pencil) Then again, I didn't get him anything, so put my name on it.
JUSTIN
Oh no, no, no, Alex, you're not sharing credit for my gift this year.
ALEX
Fine - if that's the way you want it....but you're probably going to regret that decision.
JUSTIN
I'm not scared of you, Alex. (behind him Alex gives him a deathly glare; pause) Stop staring at me!
Max comes downstairs and takes a glass cat off the shelf.
ALEX
Max, you're not going to wrap that cat up and give to dad for his birthday again, are you?
MAX
He loves getting this cat every year! He thinks he has a collection. Hello, number eight. (takes a seat at the bench)
JUSTIN
Max, it's time you started learning from your big bro. So I'm going to let you jump on board with my thoughtful and unique gift.
ALEX
Wait, you'll let him put his name on your gift but not mine? Fine, Max - before you agree to that, I'm going to let you in on my gift.
MAX
What's your gift?
ALEX
I don't know yet...but you can be sure it's not gonna look like something you can find in a kindergarten classroom!
MAX
Let's see: cat, soup can, nothing...I'm gonna stick with the cat.
Jerry and Theresa enter through the front door.
ALEX
Hey, look who it is! The birthday guy, the guy's whose birthday it is! Obviously I'm not ignoring it because I keep saying it: birthday, birthday, birthday...
JERRY
Oh look Theresa, the kids are talking about my birthday.
THERESA
Okay, honey, I get it, I forgot to say happy birthday right when you woke up this morning.
ALEX
Argh, daddy, Justin and I got you a gift together! (murmuring to Justin) Play along or your robot gets it.
JUSTIN
(laughing) I got ten of them! (crosses to Jerry with present) Dad, here's a gift from me. It's a homemade magic pencil holder. (hands the gift to him and looks back at Alex)
JERRY
Oh, oh! Perfect! It combines two of my greatest loves. Canned foods, and things that hold other things!
JUSTIN
(chuckles; showing off to Alex) Perfect?! I am so glad that you like it, dad.
Justin sits down on the couch. Max runs over and puts the cat back on the shelf, and joins Justin.
MAX
Argh...that's from me too, dad. (whispering to Justin) Seems to like it, so I am in.
Alex leans down to hug Justin and Max, but Justin pushes a pillow in her face which prevents her from doing so.
***
OPENING CREDITS
starring SELENA GOMEZ
DAVID HENRIE
JAKE T. AUSTIN
JENNIFER STONE
MARIA CANELS BARRIERA
and DAVID DeLUISE
"WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE"
***
Alex is sitting down on the couch in the Lair, reading through a magic book. Justin enters holding a skull staff.
JUSTIN
What are you doing?
ALEX
You'll be interested to know that I've found the perfect present for dad.
JUSTIN
(obviously to his staff) She's gonna turn her lips into a zipper!
ALEX
Oh, that's a good shot, how long have you been working on that one?
JUSTIN
Since the day mum came home and said, "look, there's your little sister Justin!".
Justin goes and puts his items down against the bench.
ALEX
Well I am giving dad the gift of magic powers for his birthday.
JUSTIN
What are you talking about? Our powers are limited. You know we can't give magical powers to a mortal.
ALEX
Argh, that's where you're wrong, Johnny can't Skip.
JUSTIN
(annoyed) Skipping is an un-natural body motion. There's a moment when both feet are off the ground, it's way too unpredictable. (sits down)
ALEX
Look, I've done a lot of research, and there's this thing called Merlin's Hat. It gives whoever wears it unlimited magical wishes for a whole day.
JUSTIN
You actually researched that?
ALEX
Sort of, it was on the first page I opened up to on this book.
Alex stands and hands the book to Justin.
JUSTIN
(reading from page) Well, you have to perform a deed of incredible selflessness and bravery in the Wizard World to get Merlin's Hat, and we all know that's not gonna' happen.
ALEX
Really?
JUSTIN
Really!
ALEX
Hold this.
JUSTIN
No. (Alex dumps book on him) ...okay.
Alex goes into the Wizard World through the portal door, Justin runs to the back of the Lair. Alex returns a few seconds later in a puff of smoke, coughing. She is holding the hat in one hand, a dragons' heart in the other.
JUSTIN
Alex, are you okay?
ALEX
I think so.
JUSTIN
What happened?
ALEX
Not much.
JUSTIN
Really?
ALEX
Yeah...if you call saving an entire Wizard Wreck Centre from a dragon attack nothing much! Check it out - Merlin's Hat! (chucks dragon heart to Justin) Oh, by the way, we're having dragon heart for dinner.
***
Later on, upstairs in the living room, Alex is standing holding a box facing Jerry, who is sitting on the couch. The rest of the family are crowded around.
ALEX
And so to prove that there are more than only two good children in this family, I would like to present my father, with a birthday present.
Smirking, Alex hands the box to Jerry.
THERESA
(whispering to Max) It's probably earrings, or something else she wanted.
By now Jerry has opened the book, amazed by the contents. He looks up at Alex, and takes out the hat.
JERRY
Alex, is this what I think it is? Is this Merlin's Hat?
ALEX
Yes, and when you put it on you have unlimited magical wishes for a whole day.
MAX
Awesome! That's from me too, dad. (sits beside Justin)
JUSTIN
What about our pencil holder?
MAX
Unlimited wishes, pencil holder. Come on, I'm not an idiot.
Jerry puts the hat on his head, and he shares a smile with Alex.
JERRY
This is amazing, Alex! (obvious cough from Max) ...and Max. You've given me powers again!
JUSTIN
Yes, she pulled magic into the real world for her own selfish reasons. What could possibly go wrong?
ALEX
(as they stand) Come on dad, get up and say goonga-goolanga and make a wish. (turning back to the rest of the family) You don't really have to say goonga-goolanga, I just think it's gonna be funny!
JERRY
Alright, I'm a little rusty - but here goes. Goonga-goolanga! (a packet of pencils appears on the coffee table; Jerry chuckles) Look at that!
ALEX
Pencils?
JERRY
(opens packet) Yeah! To put in my new favorite pencil holder.
Jerry places the pencils in the tin on the coffee table all at once.
ALEX
(not sure what to make of it) Pencils?
MAX
I'm back on Justin's gift.
ALEX
Pencils?
JERRY
(taking pencils from tin) Well hey, look at that, they're already sharpened. Thank you, Justin!
ALEX
Argh, doesn't anyone hear me repeating the word pencils over here?
JUSTIN
(stands) I don't know if you noticed, but dad just used your gift, to make my gift better.
ALEX
(darkly) I noticed.
JUSTIN
I know...(sits back down)
ALEX
Dad, you realize you can do anything you want with that hat, right? Literally - anything at all. In the whole world!
JERRY
You want me to try it again, huh. Alright. (thinking of possible wishes) Hmm...no...there's a...oh! I got it. Goonga-goolanga! (a chocolate milkshake appears on the coffee table) Yes!
ALEX
(holding up glass) A milkshake?
JERRY
Not just any milkshake. (takes milkshake) This is a milky way milkshake from the Asteroid Belt. (sips)
THERESA
That was his favorite restaurant when he was a kid in the neighborhood. He reminds me of it every time he has a milkshake. So, pretty much every day. (seats beside Max)
MAX
The place doesn't exist anymore. It had this cool, 50's sci-fi theme...(takes another sip)...boy, I forgot how exciting it is to have powers!
ALEX
Dad, you're wrecking the word exciting! (sits)
JUSTIN
(teasingly) Face it Alex, your gift just isn't impressive as you thought it would be.
JERRY
I 'dunno about that, Justin. I'd say this milkshake is the next best thing to having the actual Asteroid Belt open again.
ALEX
(an idea forming) Open again...interesting...
***
Later on, Alex comes downstairs into the empty sandwich shop holding Merlin's Hat. As she sneaks down, she places the hat on her head.
ALEX
Goonga-goolanga! ...that is fun to say!
A few seconds later, the sandwich shop is turned magically into a look-alike of the Asteroid Belt restaurant.
ALEX
(goes to the staircase; calling out) Guys! Come down here and see how great I am!
The rest of the Russo's come downstairs; looking around in surprise.
THERESA
(slowly paces her words as she looks around) Oh...my...gosh...Alex! What have you done?
ALEX
I just wanted to show dad how to use the hat right. (hands it back to Jerry)
JERRY
(running around excited) It looks just like the Asteroid Belt! ...With the rocket ships...(sits on a seat) ...the chairs are the same!
THERESA
Honey, look - the original milky way milkshake machine! (points over at the machine near the staircase)
JERRY
(gasps) Oh! I love this so much.
ALEX
(spiting Justin) Really? You love it? Did you hear that...he loves it...sooo much.
Alex walks down to Jerry and Theresa.
JERRY
This is incredible, Alex.
MAX
(walking down) Yeah, it's argh...it's also from me too, dad.
JERRY
(his hands around Alex's shoulders; pacing) This...this was a great trip down memory lane. And I will never forget it. Now...you should turn it back into the sub-shop.
ALEX
(seemingly hurt) Turn it back, but you just got it.
JERRY
Yeah, I know...and it was fun, but...you should turn it back.
Justin is now standing behind them holding his tin of pencils.
JUSTIN
You heard him, Alex. (shaking tin) Turn it back!
A group of adults enter the restaurant, looking around - Alex hurriedly hides the hat.
WOMAN #1
Excuse me, this looks just like a restaurant I used to go too when I was a kid!
JERRY
I'm sorry, but we're closed, so....
WOMAN #1
(gasps; indicating milkshake machine) Oh! I would pay anything for one of those milkshakes.
THERESA
Anything?
JERRY
Ten dollars?
WOMAN #1
We'll take three!
JERRY
(to Theresa) Maybe we should keep it like this for a while.
THERESA
You should have said fifteen!
Jerry grunts, and Alex looks on with a smile.
***
The restaurant is now packed with crowds of people. Jerry handles two milkshakes onto a table as he sides with Theresa.
JERRY
Haha! This place is a hit. I've never seen it this crowded before. We are wracking it in.
ALEX
See how happy dad is. My gift is so good I don't even want you on it, Max. You're off of it.
MAX
What did I do to get kicked off the gift?
JUSTIN
Restaurant themes like this are just a fad, bro. They never last - believe me.
A group of professional adults enter the restaurant and approach Jerry.
MAN #1
Mr Russo? We're with the Waverly Place merchants association, and we've come to present you with an award for having a fantastic fad that isn't going anywhere anytime soon! (Justin spits out his drink) We hereby declare you King of the New York Milkshake for you delicious milky way milkshake.
JERRY
King of the New York milkshakes? Are you serious?
MAN #1
Perhaps this official looking certificate will answer that question.
He hands over a framed certificate to Jerry, who chuckles as he takes it.
JERRY
(shakes hands) Thank you. (on the move) Theresa, check it out! I guess it's no surprise that when you marry prince charming...he grows up to be a king.
THERESA
You know honey, that probably should have seemed arrogant to me, but I find your new-found confidence very appealing. (walks off; Jerry approaches Alex)
JERRY
Alex, your gift just keeps getting better and better!
ALEX
I'm glad you think that dad, but could you just say it a little louder so Justin can hear it?
JUSTIN
I'm standing right here!
ALEX
I know. I just wanted to hear him say it louder.
***
Justin and Max are sat down on the deck outside, with Jerry standing and Harper joining them. Alex is lying down on a seat.
HARPER
Thank you all for including me in your family meeting. It's better than how we do it at my house - from separate rooms on walkie talkies.
JERRY
(chuckles) Now. As you all know, we are no longer that crumby train restaurant, we are now an amazing spaceship restaurant.
ALEX
Yes, amazing. Put that in your family meeting notes, Justin. A.M.A zing, on you.
Justin does a quick sketch and presents it to Alex.
JUSTIN
(points to each as he explains) The bear, me, you...bear trap.
Alex gives him a deathly scowl. Theresa walks out with a plate of biscuits and joins them.
THERESA
OK, everybody, let's listen to your father. He's taking charge for once in his life, and I for one can't get enough of it. (sits)
JERRY
Now, with our new popularity, it's going to take more people per shift to cover the demand.
Harper raises her hand anxiously with a screech. Alex quickly pulls it back down as she leans up from her seat.
ALEX
Oh, whoa, whoa. I thought this restaurant represented the future, shouldn't there be less work in the future?
Harper jumps up and down with her arm up in the air, excitedly screeching.
JERRY
Harper, you're hired.
HARPER
(triumphantly) Yes! (pause) Oh...I hope I didn't sound too desperate, my mom is always saying that's how people get taken "advantage" of.
JERRY
Oh, Harper, no one is taking advantage of you. (shows timetable) You've got the first four shifts. (Harper "scores" and sits) ...and you guys have got all the rest.
JUSTIN
(disgruntled) Thanks a lot, Alex!
JERRY
Now I don't want to hear any complaints, because I also got us great new uniforms.
ALEX
This can't be good.
***
Down in the restaurant, Harper and the Russo's are standing in a group wearing shiny, futuristic looking uniforms.
JERRY
You're all waiter-naughts! Sure, they're not the most comfortable outfits, but you'll get used to the limited range of motion.
ALEX
(taking Harper aside) Harper, I don't know how much more of this I can take.
HARPER
What are you talking about? This is more breathable than most the things I wear.
Beeping sounds, and Theresa jumps right up to the front.
THERESA
Aargh! It's time for our hourly rocket launch here at the Waverly Asteroid Belt!
JERRY
Where the deals are out of this world!
MAX
Dad, you're selling food, not electronics.
JERRY
For now. (runs up to the rocket as does the rest of the staff)
JUSTIN
Here we go, ready!
ALL (BESIDES ALEX)
Five! Four! Three! Two! One...
Besides Alex, they all enthusiastically mock a rocket launch, sound effects and all.
JUSTIN
(as the rocket launch finishes) Salute! (they all, besides Alex, do so).
HARPER
You didn't salute!
ALEX
Yeah, I didn't do a lot of things. (runs after Justin) Justin! You win, this was a bad idea, you have to help me get rid of this place!
JUSTIN
(sarcastic) I'm sorry you feel that way, Alex, but I'd also like to point out this...
He skips over to the counter and claps.
ALEX
What is wrong with you?
JUSTIN
That's right, I've learned how to skip. Plus, this outfit's gotten me a lot of attention, from a very interesting fringe group of women.
He waves suggestively over at a table of women, who stare back at him dreamily.
JUSTIN
(walks over to a table) And, the Alien Language League finally has a suitable place to meet. What's up, Zeke! (mutters something in an alien language)
ZEKE
Oh my gosh, really?
JUSTIN
Mm-hm.
ZEKE
Show me.
Justin demonstrates his new found ability to skip. After he has finished, Zeke says something in an alien code.
JUSTIN
Thank you, I call it power hopping.
ALEX
Oh my gosh, I have to make this stop!
Alex steals Merlins' Hat from Jerry's back pocket, and rushes Harper into the kitchen.
HARPER
What's going on?
ALEX
I made a really bad decision with this present for my dad. Having a popular restaurant is way to much work, I'd rather a place that's barely scraping by like our old sub-station. (puts on the hat) I'm just going to put this hat on and wish for it all to go away. Goonga--(looks out and sees how happy Jerry seems) ...look at how happy he is. (takes off hat) I can't take this away from him.
HARPER
Oh Tin-man, you do have a heart.
ALEX
(pause) Yes, but only until I get tired of lording this over Justin. (chuckles) Oh, who am I kidding, I'm never gonna get tired of that.
A loud engine sounds from outside.
HARPER
What was that?
Alex and Harper run out from the kitchen. They look out the windows and see there is smoke shooting from the sky.
ALEX
(shouting over engines) Let's split up and see what's going on! I'll go outside.
HARPER
I'm 'gonna go check under your bed! Bye!
Harper runs upstairs and Alex joins her family outside. Outside, a spaceship has just landed and people are crowded around.
ZEKE
Can you guys believe it? Aliens have landed on Waverly Place!
MAX
Yeah, well who's gonna tell them they can't park there? They're 'gonna get towed.
Alex steps in front of Max.
ZEKE
I have been waiting my entire life for this moment!
A group of aliens suddenly appear in front of the crowd.
ZEKE
...Got this.
Zeke approaches the group and speaks in an alien jumble.
ALIEN LEADER
I have no idea what you're talking about, kid.
ZEKE
Oh, I just welcomed you to this planet, and offered you my eternal brotherhood. (bows)
ALIEN LEADER
Sounded like a load of jibberish if you ask me.
ZEKE
(inhales) Well...that's 'cause you're from another planet! (steps back)
ALIEN LEADER
Listen up, earthlings! We have come to your street because we have heard the milky way milkshake has been bought back. We have always believed that the milky way milkshake is the tastiest milkshake in the entire universe. And now, that the machine is back up and running, we want it. (holds up gun) ...and we intend to get it.
JUSTIN
(takes Alex aside) Thanks to your magic gift, real aliens have come down here! What are we supposed to do now?
ALEX
(unsure) ...Lie our buts off!
JUSTIN
Now, Alex, you know I'm not really comfortable...oh, wait, I got it! (runs to middle of street) Fellow citizens of New York City and the outlined...burrows, don't panic. This is just an elaborate promotional stunt...yes, a promotional stunt...for the new restaurant, argh...here.
ALEX
That's...right. Because of these were real aliens they would probably look much more...expensive.
ALIEN LEADER
What's that?
Alex backs away.
JERRY
(to Justin) ...Argh, wizards dressed as aliens?
JUSTIN
(disgruntled whisper) Real aliens! (backs off)
JERRY
Oh, boy...
ALIEN LEADER
Who are you?
MAX
(jumps forward) He's King...of the New York Milkshake!
At the leader's signal, two of the other aliens grab Jerry and drag him into the restaurant.
JERRY
(as he is dragged) Thanks a lot!
The others follow him in.
ALIEN LEADER
Hand over the milkshake machine.
There is a long pause in the conversation, before Jerry pushes Max forward.
JERRY
Here's the milkshake machine!
THERESA
(gasp) Jerry!
JERRY
Alright, fine...everybody run for your lives!
As the aliens start shooting lasers everywhere, the Russos' hide for cover under the counter.
ZEKE
Justin, I hate to tell you this, but this was a poorly conceived promotional stunt. And that's coming from a guy who's very susceptible to ad campaigns.
As the aliens shoot at Justin, he runs over to the counter where Alex, Max and Theresa are standing. Zeke exits, and Jerry is by the milkshake machine.
THERESA
Jerry, help us!
Jerry does one of his 'whines' and stands in front of the milkshake machine.
JERRY
Not the milkshake machine, please!!!
THERESA
I knew it...
The aliens shoot at the Russos' behind the counter, who instantly duck for cover.
THERESA
Max, you always play those alien video games, right. Try to reason with them.
MAX
Mum, I'm not really that good, you only let me play an hour a day.
THERESA
That's because you have a C minus in math!
ALEX
Oh, are we really having this conversation right now?!!...C minus? How are you doing better than me?
Theresa stands and the aliens shoot at her, so she runs into the kitchen with a scream.
JUSTIN
Happy now, Alex? You just had to get a better gift than me, didn't you.
ALEX
Just forget about that for one second! They're closing in on dad, what should we do?
JERRY (V/O)
(shouting) Alex, give me Merlin's Hat !!
Alex gets up, dodging the rays of lasers, and throws the hat to Jerry, who puts it on his head.
JERRY
Goonga-goolanga! ...Did it work? Am I alone on the big island?
THERESA (V/O from kitchen)
Ha! I knew it!
JERRY
(smirks) What is wrong with this thing?
JUSTIN
You only had one day to make wishes, and that was yesterday. The hat's powerless.
JERRY
Oh-oh.
Avoiding the laser shoots, Alex and Max go to Jerry's side.
ALEX
Dad, I'm sorry, I guess if we've learned one thing today it's that I should stop trying to be nice to people.
The aliens shoot Merlin's Hat, and the restaurant's sci-fi theme disappears and it is turned back into the normal sub station.
ALIEN LEADER
Hey, what happened? Where did the milkshake machine go?
ALEX
Justin, you did it!
Justin walks in with one of the alien's guns.
JUSTIN
Luckily, one of those aliens dropped this thing and I was able to quickly figure out how to operate there advanced technology. It was a switch.
ALIEN LEADER
Well, this is just great!! Come on guys, we've got a long trip back.
All of the aliens beside one exit. The remaining alien is standing sternly in front of Justin awaiting the return of his gun, and Justin plays around with it for a little before returning it. Theresa and Max join them.
ALEX
Justin, how did you know that shooting Merlin's Hat would reverse all of dad's wishes?
JUSTIN
I didn't. I was just really sick of that present.
JERRY
And how did you know you wouldn't hit me with a laser?
JUSTIN
Well dad, that was a risk I was willing to take.
MAX
And dad, why did you try to trade me?
JERRY
Son, there is no doubt in my mind...they would've brought you back in a day.
Much to Alex's dislike, they all share a family hug.
ALEX
Why are we all hugging?
JERRY
Because that's what normal families do.
Alex bends away as Theresa tries to squeeze her chin in.
***
In the Russo kitchen.
ALEX
Dad, I'm really sorry about wrecking your birthday...I just wanted you to have a good birthday gift.
JERRY
Well, I know you did honey, and I appreciate it. I just want you guys to know that everything isn't about big birthday gifts. Sometimes it's the simple little gifts that are the best ones. And that goes for magic too. It's not always about slaying the dragon, or bring a restaurant back from the past. (grabs pencil holder) Sometimes, a soup can that's charmed to do this...(demonstration of pencil sharpening)...is all you need. I even missed the little cat, that Max gives me every year.
Max jumps up from his spot over at the table with Harper.
MAX
You did? Hang on! (runs over to shelf and grabs up wrapped cat) Happy birthday, Dad...
JERRY
(shaking the cat) I wonder what it is...
Wizards of Waverly Place is licensed copyrighted material of the Walt Disney Company.
No infringement is intended by the transcription of this episode which was written by Justin Varava.
